Dear Neighbor in #2

Dear Neighbor in #2,

We've never met. In fact, I've never seen you. I did catch your hand reaching through the blinds of your window once. Until we finally cross paths in the stairwell, I'll just have to match your voice to a hand instead of a face.

I know your voice well.

You are one Chatty Cathy, #2. I hear you on the phone with your friends constantly. You must have dozens of them. You never seem to leave the apartment to see them but I'm sure that's only because you want to be home in case they call. You still have a landline phone which is kind of retro in its own special way. Your conversations are hilariously long. Who knew there was so much to say about how good your spaghetti is? I'd sure love to try it. Me, I just boil the stuff in hot water. Perhaps your technique is more advanced than mine and thus worth a lengthy discussion.

I imagine you to be a positive person based on how much and how loudly you laugh. It's like you're trying to share your joy with the world, or at least me since our bedroom windows are practically adjacent. Most nights, I want silence so I can read or sleep in peace. But if you're happy, I'm happy. Even if that means I have to fall asleep to my own TV just to drown out the chortles coming from your apartment. My rubber earplugs aren't enough to contend with such irrepressible happiness.

You love your sitcoms, probably because you like to laugh. I often hear the opening theme to Two and a Half Men. I can't say that I see the humor in it but I'm glad someone does. Your enjoyment gives its several seasons and Emmy nominations some meaning. Maybe you're supporting that troubled Charlie Sheen in your own indirect way. That's noble, #2. I can't fault you one bit for cracking up at Barney Miller, though. That show is classic. And it's on that odd WGN channel all the time! Lucky you.

When I moved to Noe Valley, I expected it to be a quiet neighborhood. For the most part, it is. We rarely get any street noise on 28th, other than the 24-Divisadero bus stopping every so often on Noe. Even 24th all but shuts down after 7pm. Your personality, however, seems to be on 24/7.

Again, I'm happy that you're happy. Even though the sound of your old school landline ringtone makes me cringe and the bass-heavy opening theme to Barney Miller no longer excites me, it's great that you're so comfortable and pleased with your life that you almost never leave the house!

I have to ask you, #2: what is the secret to your happiness? I also must ask you to please, shut the fuck up. At least after 10pm on weeknights.

Cheers,

Marissa in #1